if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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