Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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