Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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