the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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