Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize