Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize