there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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