Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
