My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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