Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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