Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize