I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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