I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize