My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
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Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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