after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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