Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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