do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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