Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She bit a glass in half.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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