Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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