Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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