I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize