FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize