bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Text me some of your sweat
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