Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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