the condom got lost in my hair
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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