My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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