youre lurking in front of me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
