I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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