also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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