Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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