But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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