why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he thought i was a dude.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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