here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize