So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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