I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
