I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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