do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
zippers are such a cool invention
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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