11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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