Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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