I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize