before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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