Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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