you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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