Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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