if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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