she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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