Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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