I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize