Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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