i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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