Cold hands, warm shart.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A+ Viking dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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